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A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.
why waste such beautiful learning? Let's share our wisdom through quotes. And to make it memorable, pepper it up with some humor.
Hunter S. Thompson
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to rouse the interest, but long enough to cover the essentials.
Egotism - usually just a case of mistaken non-entity.
Fear is the mother of morality.
Charles F. Kettering
People are very open-minded about new things -- as long as they're exactly like the old ones.
Lyndon B. Johnson
Did you ever think that making a speech on economics is a lot like pissing down your leg? It seems hot to you, but it never does to anyone else.
People used to complain to me all the time, 'I can't even hear you sing because your clothes are so loud.'
Today is 'Take our Daughters to Work Day.' This is when girls ages Nine to Fifteen go to work. Or, as it's called at the Nike factory - Thursday.
Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
Women: Can't live with them, can't bury them in the back yard without the neighbours seeing.
Sometimes you need to take a few steps back to see things clearly. Never let your life become so filled with work, your mind become so crammed with worry, or your heart become so jammed with old hurts or anger, that theres no room left in them for fun, for awe, or for joy.
Every major achievement is almost always preceded by years of toil, hard work, failure, stress, tests of character, determination, sleepless nights... All of which help form the network of roots that can then support real accomplishments
I showed him the Post-it. “You see They’re from Lily.”
“Ooh... a girl!”
“Boomer, we’re not in third grade anymore. You don’t say, ‘Ooh... a girl!’”
“What? You fucking her?”
“Okay, Boomer, you’re right. I liked ‘Ooh... a girl!’ much more than that.
Let’s stick with ‘Ooh... a girl!”
If you’re listening to this, congratulations! You survived Doomsday.
I’d like to apologize straightaway for any inconvenience the end of the world may have caused you. The earthquakes, rebellions, riots,tornadoes, floods, tsunamis, and of course the giant snake who swallowed the sun—I’m afraid most of that was our fault. Carter and I decided we should at least explain how it happened.