About Funny Mom QuotesSource link Google.com.pk
-that will make you laugh and two that might make you cry:
1.) “Nobody loves me but my mother. And she could be jivin’ too.”
~ B.B. King
2.) “My mother never breast fed me; she told me she only liked me as a friend.”
~ Rodney Dangerfield
3.) “I asked mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly wouldn’t have paid for me.”
~ Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes (Bill Watterson)
4.) “Neurotics build castles in the air; psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.”
~ Rita Rudner
5.) “A suburban mother’s role is to deliver her children obstetrically once, and by car ever after.”
~ Peter De Vrie
5.) My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-b*itch.
~ Jack Nicholson
6.) “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”
~ Phyllis Diller
7.) “The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.”
~ Calvin Trillin
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Are we there yet?
8.) If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
~ Milton Berle
9.) “My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.”
~ Rita Rudner
10.) “The hand that rocks the cradle usually is attached to someone who isn’t getting enough sleep.”
~ John Fiebi
11.) Raising a kid is part joy and part guerilla warfare.
~ Ed Asner
12.) A Harvard Medical School study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby’s temperature. Plus, it really teaches the baby who’s boss.
~ Tina Fey
13.) (From a prayer for her daughter): “…And should she choose to be a mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.”
~ Tina Fey (from “Bossypants“)
14.) “A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.”
~ Tenneva Jordan
15.) “My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven’t met yet. She’s now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia.”
~ Dame Edna Everage
And two touching ones…
“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.”
“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”
~ Elizabeth Ston
Wahhhh! *Sniff* Call your mother this weekend.
And here’s to the Mommy angels in Heaven. I know you’re still watching over my friends and your grandbabies
A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. ~Tenneva Jordan
Hundreds of dewdrops to greet the dawn,
Hundreds of bees in the purple clover,
Hundreds of butterflies on the lawn,
But only one mother the wide world over.
Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs... since the payment is pure love. ~Mildred B. Vermont
The sweetest sounds to mortals give
Are heard in Mother, Home, and Heaven.
~William Goldsmith Brown
If you have a mom, there is nowhere you are likely to go where a prayer has not already been. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.co
A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. ~Peter De Vries
If the whole world were put into one scale, and my mother in the other, the whole world would kick the beam. ~Lord Langdale (Henry Bickersteth)
Mothers hold their children’s hands for a short while, but their hearts forever. ~Author Unknown
The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~Rajneesh
All mothers are working mothers. ~Author Unknown
When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child. ~Sophia Loren, Women and Beauty
Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible. ~Marion C. Garretty, quoted in A Little Spoonful of Chicken Soup for the Mother’s Soul
Mother — that was the bank where we deposited all our hurts and worries. ~T. DeWitt Talmage
A mother is a mother still,
The holiest thing alive.
~Samuel Taylor Coleridge
The real religion of the world comes from women much more than from men — from mothers most of all, who carry the key of our souls in their bosoms. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes
God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers. ~Jewish Prover
A mother understands what a child does not say. ~Author Unknow
I remember my mother’s prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life. ~Abraham Lincoln
It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
Woman in the home has not yet lost her dignity, in spite of Mother’s Day, with its offensive implication that our love needs an annual nudging, like our enthusiasm for the battle of Bunker Hill. ~John Erskine
Women’s Liberation is just a lot of foolishness. It’s the men who are discriminated against. They can’t bear children. And no one’s likely to do anything about that. ~Golda Meir
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children, and no theories. ~John Wil